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Rebecca SE Tan random midnight thoughts
Chapter 1
you're my greatest non-mistake
my favourite fairytale
at times i wish you knew it all
but remember that you can't
my friends tell me im lucky
to even have this feeling
to be twenty-one and wretched
by feelings i cant ignore
they say love is butterflies
messy happiness within
but my dreams have morphed to pain
of knowing but never reaching
im not looking for perfection
and you're perfect in all but one
yet i know the ending well
if we ever were to start
ive accepted my fate
of never being with
the man
i love
but my biggest problem remains
him never knowing, never realising
just how much he means to me
Chapter 2
i'd never date
i'd never date
committal issues or not
i guess i'd never date
i guess i have committal issues
of knowing, loving and reaching
the fear of going so high
only to lose it all again
i guess it's hubris to think
i know the ending of our story
but its not history that holds me back
its the near-certainty of our future
i know you're willing to take the risk
at the shot of something great
but i like us to much to gamble
the stakes of our connection
maybe though im wrong
it feels as though our friendship
is rocky as it is
too much joy
too much pain
to ever be the same
i think its easier to try
at the happiness i know we'll find
but how long more before
the eventual ending of our time?
the best love stories never happen
and im sorry you're caught up in one
the worst, most boring non-story
a rational fairytale
Chapter 3
calculating our chances
is like no other math
our E(x) is pretty high
if i value success infinitely
but our life is not theoretical
we don't get enough chances to try
what if our only attempt is failure
what value do i place?
and what then of probability?
is there a chance for us?
of course there is, i know and hope
but what value does it approach?
and what of our current state?
the value of our friendship?
then again is this a hidden
downward exponential?
yet even in y=a^x
where a is less than 1
we will eventually hit the point
(fleeting as it is)
where you could be the one
before it plateaus, never ending